Thursday, May 07, 2009

Pants and then some..

My pants have continued to not fit. Which makes me grumpy and irritated and in general a joy to be around. So this past weekend I went pants shopping, which was about as much fun as doing our taxes. One thing I learned: Express is DEAD TO ME. Here's how it happened...

In 2006 I bought some jeans from Express for $40 that made my butt look amazing. I got compliments at the grocery that they were that cute. In 2007 I bought some more jeans from Express for $50 that were one size bigger than I had bought before. Odd, since I didn't actually gain any weight. Must be anti-vanity sizing or their sizes rose with their prices. Anyway, in 2008 I bought Express jeans at a thrift store and was happy. In 2009 I gained some weight that seemed intent on sticking around and went up one pant size. I went to Express to try on $70 jeans that didn't fit. According to their jeans I went up two sizes. And there is no way I am going to pay $105 million for jeans that say I am fat. No way. So Express.... YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. Also - the jumpsuit should die. Please stop selling it. No one looks good in a jumpsuit.

I really think that you should be allowed to count pants shopping as exercise. I did the equivalent of 700 toe touches while trying those pants on.

I stopped by the bathroom while I was at the Mall and I experienced on of the grossest things ever. I even debated sharing it on my blog... but it was just too crazy not to. So stop reading if you don't want to know my gross story. I was in my stall when someone entered the stall next to me. Before I knew it a small piece of poop landed on the floor between us. I stared at it for a while, not believing my eyes. There was a POOP PELLET on the floor. A foot and a half from my shoe. As I stared at the poop pellet I had just one thought, "I hate shopping."

Thankfully the day got better after that as I found cute pants at Old Navy. Which did not cost a million dollars and were correctly sized. Thanks Old Navy. You saved that day.

No comments: