After we finally got engaged and things started to settle down I started to feel sick and freaked out. I couldn’t believe that I was engaged! The thought that maybe I was making the wrong choice scared me. There was nothing in Ben and I’s relationship that made me think that I was making the wrong choice, I was just plain scared. Ben was so great throughout all of this. He was so patient and took off work to sit and talk things through and pray with me.
On the third, and probably hardest day of all of this drama I had a great conversation with my Mom and she gave me the best advice about all of this. She said “Are you just laying on the couch crying?” I was. “Then you are just letting this fear control you. GET UP AND DO SOMETHING. Talk to someone about this. Find a book to read about it. Be proactive.” And that’s when it clicked. The peace I had about marrying Ben on Saturday was not a lie. I had just been focusing on the fear. . I wanted to fight through the fear for us. And after that I knew we were going to be ok.
That night we went and talked with my uncle Dave, who’s a pastor, and he assured me that I wasn’t crazy – I was just taking this decision very seriously. Uncle Dave gave us some great advice and a couple of books to go through that could help us talk about some things before we get married. I loved it. I had a book. With chapters! And discussion points! We had a plan!
It took a while for me to physically feel better, but the fear had subsided. Throughout this whole thing prayer played such a huge role. God continually gave us comfirmation that this was of Him. He reminded me to trust Him. While this whole ordeal was a crazy emotional rollercoaster, I do believe that it brought me closer to God and Ben and I closer together, which makes it all worth it.
And now, I am excited to be marrying Ben. So very excited! And 9 months seems so far away...