Through this time of… well, I’m not sure what to call it.... so I’ll just call it a time, for I know that is all that it is; a phase and a season to pass through. This will not last.
Through this time God is teaching me humility. There is nothing more humbling than realizing that I don’t know how to “pull myself together” and deal with this. Realizing that I can’t help myself and that I am broken has humbled me more than any other situation in my life. What have I to be proud of in myself now?
I am realizing that I can control nothing in my life and when I try to I get stressed and generally mess things up. I must give all control to Christ, for He is the only one capable of handling it all. Elizabeth Elliot said:
“God gives us material for sacrifice. Sometimes the sacrifice makes little sense to others, but when offered to Him is always accepted.... What will He do with these offerings? Never mind. He knows what to do.”
Right now my material for sacrifice is nothing great. It is worry, anxiety and fear. But with it comes complete surrender of my future and He knows what to do with it.
Through my brokenness I am learning of Christ’s strength. My Mom has been a great help through this. She wrote me this in an e-mail:
“I guess we just need to get past ourselves, broken, so we’ll really know it’s Him who leads us.
That’s what I am learning. To get past myself and surrender control. To know that it is Him who leads me. What a sweet lesson.