I am moving into my new apartment next weekend. It's in the suburbs. God's timing with my living and working in the city is obviously not the same as mine. All the doors for me to get involved with ministry downtown have been shut.
I wondered if maybe I misunderstood God. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be involved with urban ministry. But I still have a heart for downtown. It frustrates me that I'm not doing anything. I think the calling is still there - the timing is not.
One day I realized something.
I think the suburbs are boring.
What if God isn't calling me right now to the "excitement" (for that's how I viewed it) of urban ministry? What if He is calling me to be ordinary? To live a radically boring and safe life? What if He calls me to the mundane? Could I do it? Could I be obedient enough to step out in faith not just when things are dangerous, but when life is dull?
And then I realized that the point isn't the level of greatness I am called to, or how content I am in my calling (whatever that is). I don't even think that the point is my obedience. The point is the One who calls me.
Maybe I focus too much on being obedient and what that looks like and not enough on Him who calls me.
So that's where I am right now and I pray that someday I will be working downtown.