Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Jesus is not my Zoloft

I know that seems like a pretty simple and Jr. highish thing to say, but that was the lesson of the day for me yesterday. Jesus is not my Zoloft but I realized that I had been acting like He was.

You see, I had been praying, reading my Bible and thanking Him, not because I loved Him, but because of what He did for me. I did those things so that He would keep me sane and focused. It was a healthy thing to do, like taking a vitamin or exercising. I did it because I wanted to feel good; I wanted to have a good day. Slowly my relationship with God became less about who He was and more about what I could get out of it. Prayer numbed my emotions and I started treating God like an anti-depressant; He was a quick fix for my problems.

To be honest, that's really how I wanted my interaction with God to be. A drive-thru for focus and peace. I didn't want to deal with the relationship part. It was messy and hard. God doesn't just make small talk with me. He gets deep inside and cleans house and sometimes it's rough. Jesus, if I could just get these promises to go... that's really all I want right now.

Because God is a good and loving God He is concerned with more than just our physical healing. He cares about our emotional and spiritual healing as well. He will heal completely - if we will trust Him. So I am trying. I am trying to stop ordering God's peace to go and will sit in His presence and let Him clean house. Please pray for me.

Proverbs 3:7-8
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.

Psalm 46:10
Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

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