Sunday, March 11, 2007

Suck It Up

I've been thinking about this post for a while and decided to go ahead and write it.

The anxiety I have been feeling has not left me. It has gotten so much better, but it's not gone. There are still days when it makes me angry that it can make me feel the things I feel. And yet, in the midst of this, I am learning so much. God is giving me a heart for those who struggle with anxiety and depression. Until now, my response to emotional stress was "suck it up." Now I know that there are times when you simply can't suck it up. When it feels like life is sucking everything out of you and all you can do is hold on.

It's in those times when Jesus is most dear to me. It's then that His Word comes to mind to soothe my soul. It's during the chaos of my mind that I can surrender complete control to Jesus my Lord. And I wouldn't trade that for anything. I hate the feelings, but I love the closeness of Christ.

When I first started feel these feelings a lady, who knew what was going on, came up to me and asked "How are you coping with this?" She too had been struggling with similar feelings and there was a familiar desperation to her question. I responded with "I don't know" and walked away. Her question scared me. It scared me to be around someone else who was in the same place as me. I felt like I had to stay far away for fear of getting sucked down even further.

Slowly, as God has shown me His incredible faithfulness, these questions and people do not scare me. God has give me a heart for them. I know the desperation they are feeling and I want them to know the freeing, powerful love of Christ. I want them to cling to His word for their strength. I want them to know that they don't have to suck it up, but surrender it to Christ. I want to hug them and remind them that this too will pass. I want them to let Christ use this to teach and mold them. I want them to be free.

Psalm 27: 13-14
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; yes, wait for the Lord.

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